"adjustment"

Adjustment. Adjusting. Adjust. 

I have been repeating variations of this word to myself for a month. And I have been given some great advice, and some not so great advice- all of which has included this word.
I have come to strongly dislike this word. "You'll adjust to the heat." "You'll adjust to the move." "You'll adjust to not having family around." "You'll adjust to having no friends." Over and over and over again.
I do not like this word and I DO NOT like adjustment. Somewhere over the past two months adjustment has slowly turned into appeasing myself. Lets face it- I love having my family around, I love the rain, I love having friends. and, I love Paul, I love that we moved to Arizona, and I love how our relationship is growing and our life down here.
It is incredibly hard not having my family and friend here, but that doesn't mean I have to adjust to anything and I have been trying to trick myself into this thought for so long that it has been driving me crazy! I think it's okay to be sad about everything we left behind in Portland, and I will be, and I don't think that will ever change. But that does not mean that I have to adjust. and i won't.

Let me be a little clearer- I miss Oregon so much. This move have been incredibly hard. I've been alone a lot of the time, without friends or family or anything to do. But, at the same time it has been incredibly rewarding. I have thought day in and day out about calling my mom and asking her to fly me home for the weekend, but I'm not going to do that. And here's why: I have lived and loved in Oregon my entire life. But i love Paul more. And we owe it to ourselves and to each other to start our own life in a place we don't know, and grow and love a new place together. Having no friends is so hard for both of us. Paul is a very stoic kind of person and would never admit that, but I'm not as strong as he is. I'm moody and impatient and impulsive, and he grounds me. And living here has made us so much stronger. More than I could ever imagine. We've had to come up with ideas of how to fill our time and have fun with nothing. We literally moved here and had nothing. Don't get me wrong, we are both super fortunate to be able to afford the live we're living, both have salaried jobs, and so much love. But what neither of us has ever had to deal with is a huge excess of time, with nothing to do. With this time I've had to confront myself on a daily basis and really evaluate the kind of person that I'll be.

So, for that reason I've decided that I am never going to simply "adjust". I'll grow.

Reppin my Beavs today. Miss you, Oregon.